Awaiting the high school graduation of our youngest child has provided me with an overload of memories from her childhood. Some good, some not so good. But I don’t want to forget any of them.
My wife and I tried for several years to conceive a child. We both had children from previous marriages, so we wanted one together. So, after seven years, God blessed us with a little girl.
Of course, we went through all the growing pains and learning experiences of childhood. We survived the struggles and trials that went along with it. We lived to tell the tales of adventure and adversity.
But as I sit here reminiscing on her formative years, I wonder, have I made the right decisions that will prepare her for adulthood? I know we didn’t do everything right. Even though we were experienced parents, we still did some stupid stuff.
I just want, and need, to know that she is ready for the world. In all of my mistakes, did I do or say anything that could cause her to see herself as less than anyone? Did I make choices that have given her the confidence to pursue success? Or have I simply set her up to just ‘get by’?
Second-guessing is a part of parenthood. We wonder if we chose correctly for them. But that doesn’t change anything, does it? I mean, if we could wipe out all our bad decisions and replace them with the right ones, we would end up with perfect children.
The crazy thing is, in those decisive moments, we have no idea if we are right or wrong. Most of our parenting decisions come from what we learned from our parents. For better or for worse, those traits eventually show up in our parenting skills. All we can hope for is the best.
Sometimes I would like to sit down with my daughter and point out all the mistakes I made in raising her. I would love to say, ‘Remember when this happened, and I said or did that? I was wrong. I should have done this.’ That way, maybe I could give her some course correction before she steps out too far.
But there are no do-overs in parenting. We reap what we have sown. Our best hope is that they have learned from our mistakes before making the same ones. I just want my children to be successful in life.
So, it’s time to stop regretting our flub-ups. It’s time to stop wishing for do-overs.
Now is the time to make ourselves available to our children with wisdom and knowledge that they won’t find anywhere else. When they come for advice, be wise with our responses. Pushing our thoughts and ideas on them now will only broaden the gap between parent and child. But be available to listen and advise, if asked.
I can’t make decisions for her. I can’t choose her career, spouse, or residence. But I can be a sounding board when she is making those decisions. Sometimes, listening is the greatest form of assistance.
When my daughter has graduated from high school, I want her to be able to say that her parents were there for her every step of the way. With all of our faults and failures, if she knows that she can depend on us to be there for her to lean on, then we have succeeded. If she is confident to tackle the world and make her own decisions, mission accomplished.
